At 13 weeks we went in for an NT Scan. I was a little reluctant but it was something Kyle wanted so I agreed. From that day on, our pregnancy was no longer a joyful one. The next 17 days waiting for test results were torture. Kellan had a Septated Cystic Hygroma and his healthy survival rate was low. It was hands down the darkest time in my life. I grieved his loss when he was still very much alive. At 16 weeks we got good news. The Hygroma had resolved and the blood test came back with the best odds possible. At 20 weeks we got more good news via our level 2 ultrasounds that all his organs, brain, size...everything looked good.
However, the true test would be when he was born. So the next 20 weeks would be hell just wondering if he would be okay. I really kept those feelings to myself. I felt that talking about it made it real & I didn't want to accept that. I didn't want to make that my reality.
At 37 weeks we found out we had to have a c-section at 39 weeks. He was breech. We tried everything we could to flip him, but he wasn't moving. I was devastated to say the least. My happy pregnancy was ruined worrying that something could be wrong with Kellan. Then to find out he is breech and the water birth I dreamed of happening, wasn't even close to being an option.
July 15th, 2014 was the day. The day I would meet this boy growing inside me. It was quite strange knowing a date and approximate time my child would be born. I know I said that a million times while getting ready. I was stressed. I was nervous. I was scared. I was all the negative feelings. Of course there was joy to meet our little one, but it was also so overwhelming.
Just before 11 we arrived at the hospital. We saw a very familiar face. Lindsay. A friend of mine who I have known since Elementary school. A labor and delivery nurse who works at the hospital Kellan would be born at. I felt at ease having her there. I was so scared. I didn't really know anyone else. I met our OB once before the surgery. I didn't know any of the other nurses or anyone who was going to be there. So having Lindsay there by my side was incredibly helpful.
We walk into our suite and to our surprise the room was beautifully decorated. Sweet sweet Lindsay came into work early that day to make my room feel a little less like a hospital room and more like a birthday party for Kellan. The bathroom was filled with balloons, there were pom poms on the ceiling, ducks randomly throughout the room and other little touches that just warmed my heart. She even went out of her way & bought a gift for Kegan and Karie.
The time went by so slow. I got dressed in my gown, had my IV's put in, drank the nasty juice, filled out paper work, basically did all the boring things. Then it was hurry up and wait. Stefany was there. My "doula"/photographer. Jessie was there. The on-call midwife that day. Of course Kyle was there. While he hid it well, I knew he was nervous. As time went on different members of my team came in the room to introduce themselves. Dr. Szajner was my Anesthesiologist, Julie was the nurse anesthetist, Gail was one of my nurses & Louise was my surgical tech. There were a few other people but I can't remember their names.
I was beyond nervous at this point. When I get really nervous I crack a lot jokes. I mean, I joke a lot anyways, but this was totally my coping mechanism. I was also really hungry & wanted mashed potatoes with gravy so bad. That in itself makes for some great jokes. Kyle showed really embarrassing photos of me. Like the time I drank too many Jameson Gingers and fell asleep in my chair at a party. Thanks hunny.
A little after 1pm Dr. Hallman came in and said it's time to go. I stood up and walked down the hall leaving Kyle & Stefany in the room. Again, this is why I was so thankful that I had Lindsay there. My familiar face in a very unfamiliar place. The OR was bright. It didn't have a scent and was just so...unfriendly.
Little did I know that back in the room Kyle was being his normal goofy self with Stefany. I'll be nice and only share the goofy ones of Kyl even though the ones Kyle took of Stef are hilarious!
I sat on the operating table with a pillow in my lap. Lindsay was in front of me telling me what they were going to do. It was that very moment that I started to cry. It was real. This was really happening. In a few minutes I would be laying down to be cut open. Of course, being me I cracked a joke about my makeup running and asked Lindsay if she could fix it. Yup. That girl. I did what Lindsay told me to do. Then the anesthesiologist gave me the spinal. I went in expecting worse but in reality it wasn't bad. Getting the shot I had when they tried to flip Kellan hurt a lot worse.
I was quickly laid down on the table and the drape went up. It was happening. I poked me all over to make sure I was numb enough. I got a lovely catheter thanks Lindsay, some taping and all sorts of other things before they started. My team called out the plan one by one. Then it started. I freaked out because Kyle wasn't there yet. He was on his way and it was all normal.
At this point they started tugging and pulling. He was really stuck and oh my goodness it hurt. Nothing like labor and a vaginal delivery but nothing like the c-sections in movies either. I felt like I was screaming. All I could see what this stupid big blue drape. It frustrated me. I couldn't see. I wanted to see my baby first. I wanted to know he was healthy. It all seemed so chaotic. I had no control over anything. Kyle watched. He held my hand. When he wasn't, Jessie was. She kept telling me how awesome I was doing. Another nurse on the other side of me helped me with my breathing. I felt so panicked & it was so nice to have someone telling me how to breathe. It honestly felt like I forgot how because of how scared I was.
I could hear them talking about how stuck her was. I could hear them saying he has a big butt.
Then I heard it. The sound every mother longs to hear when their baby is born.
His cry. It was sweet. The moment I heard that cry everything else ceased to exist. I had no idea what anyone else was doing. I didn't care. A quick peak of baby around the big blue drape and he was gone. I'm not sure how long he was on the warmer getting his stats but in mom world it felt like a lifetime. He cried the entire time. I loved that cry. A good cry is a sign of a healthy baby. Then, he was placed on my chest. You could hear a pin drop. It was silent around me. Kellan instantly stopped crying the moment he was laid on my chest. It was hard to see him in the position I was laying in. I didn't really care. I just looked at him and cried. He was here. Nothing else really mattered. I could tell he looked like Kegan with a little bit of Karie thrown in there. He wasn't too happy when they tried to put a hat on him.
Then he was gone again. Back to the warmer to get cleaned off a bit and then into the arms of his daddy. Then it was time to get me all ready and moved to the other bed. Kyle carried him back to the room even though you weren't supposed to. I wouldn't have let him go either. After everything we went through, the only place we wanted him to be was in our arms.
When I got back to the room Kyle handed him over to Lindsay and then it was my turn again. My sweet boy.
Kellan was born weighing 7lbs 13oz and was 20 inches long. I couldn't believe I had a baby under 8 pounds. I fully excepted him to be a good sized baby. I didn't even buy any newborn clothes. Thankfully Emily gave me a few that didn't fit Wilson anymore so at least he would have a few things that fit him right away.
Once I had a significant amount of time snuggling him, Lindsay took him for his first bath. Of course I made Kyle grab the camera and take photos since I couldn't walk over to see it happening.
Then the kids came up with my inlaws. Karie didn't want to leave his side. She wanted to hold him the entire time. Kegan still isn't sure about holding a baby. He said he has never held a baby before and they are kind of scary. I think he did a great job, Karie did too.
I was on all the drugs at this point. I don't really remember what happened. I mean, I do, but not many details. I was so focused on baby. He was here. He looked fantastic. He started nursing and did amazing. Everything sounded good.
The next day I was able to get up and walk around, shower and snuggle my baby more. Oh and take more photos of him.
I had Kyle take some photos of Kellan & I too.
I took a few of Kyle & Kellan too. He didn't really want his picture taken but I didn't really care.
*Photos were taken by Stefany of Tiny Moments Photography & myself. Clicking on the photos will enlarge them to see more detail*
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