People are so insensitive. They don't get it nor do they care.
"Get over it. It's just a csection. Lots of people have them."
"It's not about the journey it's about the end result."
"It's not that big of a deal."
Those are just a few things that people have said to me when they hear I am upset about having to get a csection.
Yup.
Get over it? It's not that simple. I spent the last year dreaming about a water birth. Since before I got pregnant. It was something I really wanted. Most of my pregnancy I thought that was an option. It's not that simple to just "get over it". Nor is that something you say to someone. Also just because a lot of people have them doesn't mean I want to be one of those people. It is a freaking HUGE deal. I am going to have my uterus cut open to get my baby out. I don't get that normal delivery. I really wanted that. I wanted to pull out my baby. I wanted to hold him right away. I wanted to be able to get up and walk around right away. I didn't want all these drugs. I don't get a choice. The choice is made for me. I have NO CONTROL over any of it. So it's a pretty huge deal!
I'm really pissed off over people saying it's no about the journey. The hell it's not! The journey is what got me here. So these past 9 months didn't mean anything? Those last 9 months were a huge deal. This pregnancy has been really rough. I'm not going to forget about it. I'm not going to push it all aside and just focus on K being born. That wouldn't be fair. I'm allowed to be sad. I'm allowed to be mad. I'm allowed to get pissed off and cry because I don't get to have a normal labor and delivery. I don't get what I planned and what I hoped for. What I deserve after this bad pregnancy. I'm sick of people making me feel like my feelings aren't justified. It doesn't mean that I love my baby less because of it. It means I'm sad that I can't do things the way my body was supposed to do them. It means I'm sad that I feel like I am failing.
A normal delivery I can leave after a couple of days. I can walk around. I can do what I need to do. With a csection that is not the case. At all. My recovery will be a lot harder. I can't leave after a couple of days. I am not going to be walking around like normal right after. I can't drive for 2 weeks minimum. My life is too crazy to NOT drive for two weeks. Camp, cheer...every day life. That right there is a full time job. Thank goodness Kyle can work from home so he can drive the kids where they need to go. Thank goodness we have family that can help with them and friends. I am feeling so incredibly overwhelmed. I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm not sure how to handle the emotional part of it all and the physical part.
I just want to cry. This is not how it was supposed to happen.
Csection :(
9:02 AM
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