Besides my friends and FB, the topic of K's Hygroma doesn't come up that often. Not because I don't like talking about it or because I am not comfortable, it's because I don't always find it appropriate. Not everyone needs to know the details of my pregnancy. Not only that but when I do tell people I always get the same question.
"Do you regret doing those tests? You would have never know anything was wrong if you would have just waited."
They are right. If we didn't do those tests I wouldn't have had an ultrasound at 14 weeks. I would have had no idea that K had a Septated Cystic Hygroma. I wouldn't have had to deal with all the agony we went through waiting for those test results. I wouldn't have known a thing. I wouldn't have had to worry.
Do I regret it? No. Not at all. I was scared. I was really scared. At the time parts of me wished that maybe I hadn't done it. Now, no. In my rational state of mind I can see things a lot more clear. Ignorance is not bliss.
If something were to be wrong, I would want to know. I would want to prepare myself. Babies with Spetated Cystic Hygromas tend to have issues with their organs. What is K had a bad heart? What if on our regular 20 week ultrasound they didn't pick up on his bad heart? The hospital I am delivering at isn't equip with what would be needed to fix his heart. Delivery could be too hard on him and he could die because I chose to have a natural birth. All that could have been avoided. I would deliver at Childrens's via Csection so he could have surgery and be monitored by doctors who specialize in this kind of thing.
What if it was chromosomal. What if there were no markers and at his 20 week ultrasound he looked okay? What if whatever he had was bad and he died before he was born. Or died shortly after he was born? I can't imagine not being prepared for that.
When someone asks me that I always have a hard time responding. I don't want to go into details about my decision to do the testing. It was our decision just like this baby is our baby. We did/do what we think is best. I try to be a nice as possible and respond with something along the lines of "No. I'm happy that we are well informed now." then I try to change the subject as quick as I can. It doesn't always work though. Some people don't really know when to shut up. They tend to always bring up religion. I don't have an issue with anyone else believing in something different than me. I have friends that come from a number of different faiths. I know that these random people don't know me and don't know what I believe in, but I always find it so strange that people bring up God into these types of conversations without any care that the person they may be talking to doesn't believe in God or may believe something different.
I can't tell you how many times I have heard "God only give you as much as you can handle."
I don't believe in God. I don't think saying that is okay. Even if you are saying it to someone who believes in God. What if my baby would have died? Would that comment still be okay? I have heard it before when reading blog posts about that very topic. I don't understand it. I never will. I think it's such a rude thing to say.
But, I have to be nice. Most of the time I leave the conversation. It the easiest thing to do.
One thing that religious people say that I don't mind is "I will pray for you." While I would never pray, that is how someone else feels will work that is okay. Those people are thinking about me and my baby. I would never tell someone to not think about me. I don't tell my friends who are going through hard times that I will pray for them. I don't think that would work. However, I tell them I am thinking about them. That I will send them some positive vibes/good karma. I totally believe in karma.
This totally took a turn that I wasn't excepting. I just started typing and this is what came out. I guess the whole thing just bothers me.
No regrets...
6:28 AM
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