My amnio is tomorrow. There was no news today. I fully expected the news to come today. I really did. I thought today was the day. It wasn't. Kate called and said the results will for sure be in tomorrow. The snow storms that we got caused the blood not to get there as quick as normal which delayed everything. Even though the blood test results will be ready tomorrow it won't be ready until the afternoon.
Crap.
Kate said to go to the appointment tomorrow. She said they will do a very extensive ultrasound like when you have an anatomy ultrasound. She said after the ultrasound the doctor will go over the results and we can make the decision to do the amnio then. I am scared to death to do the ultrasound. Even more than I am to have the amnio. I am scared of seeing something bad. What if it got bigger? What if they find more issues? It's been almost 3 weeks so a lot has changed. Baby K has gotten bigger & if there are physical abnormalities those will be a lot easier to see. I am hoping that when they do the ultrasound it has completely resolved. That would be amazing. I want to see a healthy baby in there like I am supposed to see. I'm also hoping the get a peak at the sex of the baby. I thought I wanted a girl. Now, I just want a healthy baby. Girl or boy I don't care. Health is my number one priority! It's the most important thing! I am scared though. Kyle will be there. I'm so grateful for that. I can't imagine having to do this alone. Being alone at the house right now is hard enough. The kids went to my moms after school. She is going to take them to school in the morning since our appointment is early. Instead of waking them up SUPER early to drive them to my moms she said she would take them overnight and drive them to school in the morning. That is so helpful. One less thing to stress about.
I really need tomorrow to go well. I don't know if I can handle anymore of this stress. It is slowly killing me. As each day passes a little part of me dies. A little part of my happy. I don't want to say goodbye to our baby. I don't want anymore bad news. How would I survive that? I don't want to share the news if it is bad. It's not something that I like to talk about now and we don't even know that much. If things are bad it will be hell. I can't run away from it. As much as I want to right at this moment, I can't. I am stuck.
No news!
9:30 PM
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