Dear Baby,
I want you to know that no matter what happens today, I love you. I will always love you. You will always be apart of our family. If I never get to meet you I will never stop thinking about you. If I never get to hold you I will always hold you in my heart.
I'm scared. I'm really scared. I don't want to lose you. I went through so many emotions over these past few weeks. I was scared to love you. I didn't want to love something that I might have to say goodbye too. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready for all the things that would come with losing you. I'm not ready now. I'll never be ready if that is what happens. How does someone say goodbye to someone they love? Someone that they shouldn't be saying goodbye too?
You aren't even gone and I miss you. Is that strange to say? I feel like I have missed so much. I felt like I was dying these last few weeks. I mourned the loss of you and were you weren't even gone. I was scared to love you. I didn't want to love you. I didn't want to admit that something could be wrong.
Now I sit here and can't sleep. I can't help but wonder how much my life in going to change in a few hours. I can't stop crying.
I have so many words going through my head but trying to get them out is impossible.
I love you baby. Even if I never get to hold you. Even if I never get to tell you that I love you, I do. I love you so much. Your Daddy loves you. Your brother and sister love you. We all love you. No matter what happens today I will always love you.
Love,
Your mom
A letter...
2:43 AM
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