What it all really means

The day started off so well. It was the day of Karie's field trip. I didn't want to go but Karie of course wouldn't have it any other way. I spent the day playing with all the kids. I was happy. I was laughing I was having so much fun. It was something that I really needed to get my mind off of everything. I played with the kids so much and honestly just forgot about everything that was going on in our lives for just a moment. Then when we got home it all changed.

The mail is something I love to get. Well, until I became a grown up and it was more bills than cards with money in them. Today's mail was probably the worst mail day I ever had. It was heartbreaking. At our Genetics appointment I really didn't grasp the entire conversation Dr. Wagner had with us. I don't think anyone really could in our situation. Kate had told us she was going to mail everything to us. It came. It wasn't anything good, I didn't expect it to be, but it was worse.

Over the past 10 days I have spent a lot of time online. I have read just about everything I can on what Baby K has. EVERYTHING! I feel like I could write a book on everything I have learned. So when I opened the results my heart dropped. In big bold letters I saw Septated Cystic Hygroma. Cystic Hygroma's are bad but when they are Septated it's worse. Our healthy survival rate dropped from 40% to less then 10%. That means that 90% of babies who have what K have doesn't survive birth and if they do they have a crappy life if a life at all.

90%. That is a HUGE number.

I saw it and I lost it. I can't stop crying. Why us? Why? Why Baby K!??? Why?! It's not fair! I don't want my baby to die. I want my baby to live. I want my baby to be healthy and have an amazing life. I want to hold my baby. I want to be this baby's mom. It's not supposed to be this way. I don't even get it. I don't understand. This is so rare. These things happen in less than 1% of all pregnancies. Then combined that with it being Septated it brings that number even lower.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

WHY?!?!??!?!?!?!

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